12/24/2014

Yup. Stilllllllllllll pregnant.

How jealous are you of my super sweet Chuck Norris style? This delightful hat/facial hair is the result of a very successful Dirty Santa game a couple of nights ago.


And as you can see, the offspring is still inside my belly. I've been saying from the beginning that she would be a Christmas Eve or Christmas baby. At this point, I'm really hoping that she is. I feel like a December 26th birthday would be such a letdown; nobody is motivated to celebrate on the day after Christmas.

We had a non-stress test and ultrasound on Monday because we hit the 41 week mark. She performed like a boss. Since I really want to avoid medical induction, I got lots of tips from my doula and birth class teacher to ensure that the doctors had no reason to want to induce immediately: I soaked in the tub right before the appointment and then downed a large Nalgene of water on the way, there was plenty of amniotic fluid. Right before the non-stress test I ate a granola bar with chocolate chips in it and chugged a bottle of orange juice, she went nuts. The doctor actually called her "an overachiever."

The doctor said everything looked great, and gave us another week to try to get things started. I've been power walking, squatting, and walking up and down stairs so hard that my thighs are sore. I've calmed down on the exercise because starting labor off with sore thighs seems like a really bad idea. I made a big pot of spicy veggie chili a couple days ago, and have been adding more and more hot sauce to every bowl. I've been taking long epsom salt baths. We've been having lots of awkward giant pregnant belly sex. I've been drinking pineapple juice. I've been taking evening primrose oil via my mouth and my vag. Guess what has happened? NOTHING. No signs of labor whatsoever.

It's time to step up my game. Yesterday afternoon I went to an acupuncturist who specializes in preggos and she stuck a bunch of needles in me that should get contractions started within 24ish hours. Last night I drank castor oil. I have until Tuesday to evict this kid and I am trying my hardest to make it happen today or tomorrow.

My mom and sister are here. This video best expresses the current situation in our household. They are freaking the fuck out with excitement but NOTHING IS HAPPENING.


It's time to get this party started.

3 comments:

shannon said...

EVICT THAT THING.

Jay T said...

Oh my lord I am so sorry you're STILL WITH CHILD!! Although maybe sometime earlier today you went into labor which would be AWESOME.

Lisa @ Two Martinis said...

Hopefully you're having this baby RIGHT NOW. Castor oil is one method I didn't try, so I'm anxious to hear if it worked!